For me, my hair was my couch. [See earlier post]
It was something, that for some reason, I couldn't let go.
I guess I had this idea, that somewhere, sometime, in my early to mid-twenties I would get married. And so in the recesses of my mind spawned this thought that I should grow my hair out for the wedding.
Whenever it would be. Because up-do's just don't work with short hair.
It was all subconscious - I swear.
So for the past four years I've been growing my hair out unknowingly why.
Until one day, several weeks ago I came to this realization.
I couldn't go on holding out for my future wedding day.
(I know. Such a dumb girl-thought, right?)
I have to live in the present.
So I decided to chop (this thought) off, so to speak - and made an appointment.
And so maybe you could consider me bitter and cynical for cutting my hair.
But I would like to think of it more as hopeful.
Hopeful that a wedding will one day happen.
Hopeful that I do have a future - up-do or not.
But not allowing that idea that I need long hair in order to get married to hold me back.
I need to keep going.
I need to stop holding back.
I need to Just Do Something.
It's kind of like letting go. And being free again.
So, what's your couch?
6 comments:
good for you kayla - even though i loved your long hair!! that had to be a hard thing to do - i dealt with the same type of feelings because i thought i would be married right out of college and it was a coupe years after before we got married...it's just hard when we have these dreams and expectations and God's way isn't always our way and its not always easy facing that reality when it's something we really desire!
pictures of the new haircut?!?
GK Chesteron said that paradox simply means that certain defiant joy that belongs to belief. Thanks for confronting your hidden expectations and telling them to leave. And for blogging about it. It's hard to be honest about your expectations and thoughts regarding marriage as a single Christian woman. Too much pressure to either be preparing for it, or be content where you are. Id rather spend my time just being.
Oh and my couch?
It's probably the mental playlist of wedding songs I compile in my head. The thoughts of, oh man I bet this song would be great as the recessional or I wonder if that song could work here. Last summer I was driving down the road and realized that there were some songs I didn't let myself fully love because I was worried I'd wear them out before a wedding day.
Id rather just love music now. :)
Kayla, I love your haircut, and I love your idea of liberation :) breaking free of your expectations and entering more fully into God's will. If it takes a hair dresser to help, so be it.
You go, girl!
Thanks for all of your kind, encouraging words. I will have to see what I can do about a picture.
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