In many ways this year of post collegedom has been one of spiritual drought. Not that I have forsaken my faith or reading the Bible, but I have lost that desire to be about Him. I have muddled in this wilderness too long. Like the Israelites, I am standing still, not trusting, awaiting a big revelation, when that's not how God operates. He gives grace and strength to live today, not to waste it, not to wait for something bigger than what He's put before me. If I keep hanging out in the wilderness, I am going to miss the Promise Land right in front of me. I just want Jesus. I want to want Him. I feel like since I've come to this realization, I have been more content, more God-focused, more aware of the sin in my life.
All that being said, it has fueled my desire to see kids come to the knowledge of Jesus Christ's salvation. For the past 6 months or so, I have been praying for these 5th graders that I work with at the middle school. At school I talk about church and Awana, but I haven't had the opportunity to share the Gospel with them. They need Jesus- one has severe emotional disorders, another has been farther with boys than I can imagine. I learned the other day several of them will be at camp. My heart would know no greater joy than seeing these kids come to Christ.
Day 5 of camp is coming. Tomorrow. I forgot how fast life goes when you play all day.
As far as the future is concerned, I fear things. Lots of things. But in my mind I want to be ready for whatever God has for me. Even if that isn't what my heart feels.
Sometimes, I know that things, in the end, will just feel right. Until that moment, I will write about it.
"For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." John 3:17