Sunday, February 10, 2013

Heads full of crumpled paper and alphabet soup.

Sometimes I have a lot of thoughts in my head.
Swirling around like alphabet soup, as one of my college roommates would say. 
Actually, it's more like a bunch of crumpled pieces of paper.

And every once and a while. I pull one out and try to press out all the wrinkles to make a little sense, to gain a little clarity, of the heaps of paper I'm buried under. 

(Does anyone else feel this way?)

Forewarning, this isn't theologically accurate, but it's like the Holy Spirit throws all of these things at you that you should know - that you should learn from - all at once. And they just land in a big mess in my head. 

So I write. In order to sort it all out. 

I know - in that big-alphabet-soup-full head of mine - that Jesus is enough. He is all I need. He is all I need to combat frustration. Or fear. Or pride. Or my desire to control situations. He is always better. But I don't always believe it in my heart. That's where my actions fail to prove my love for Him. 

And so this past weekend I spent some more time reading some posts by my friend, Fabs. (Okay, she's not really my friend, but I'd like to think if we'd ever meet for coffee, we'd have a lot to talk about.) 
She knows truth. She knows how to articulate it. She is raw.
And she's written some good gospel driven stuff.

She reminded me that I have EVERYTHING, everything, I need for today. As 2 Peter 1:3 says, "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness..."I have everything I need, right now. Including, but not limited to, the Holy Spirit and the Word of God.
I have the human, mortal relationships I need.
I have the job/ministry I need.
I have the house I need.
I have the right amount of knowledge concerning any future plans that He has for me.

I DO NOT have everything I need for 5 year from now.

Which brings me to First Prayer at church on Wednesday.
Proverbs 16: 3, "Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established."
Because as I am walking (delighting) in Him (Psalm 37:4), my plans will fade, and His plans will be my plans.
And I have everything I need to do that. A) the Holy Spirit. B) Scripture.
Which lead me to the knowledge that I am in desperate need of Him. The God who sent His Son to die on the cross for my sins so that I can one day be with Him. I can do NOTHING on my own.
That puts my plans into perspective knowing that THE plan is much bigger than what I will do next week. Or next fall.

And so while I'm struggling with my 5 year plan. Okay, maybe it's just my 5 month plan. I am thankful.  As Chip Ingram would say, God's goal is our greatest good and His greatest glory. (Romans 8:28)
While I don't know details about regarding things in the future, I do know that God is the same. Yesterday. Today. Forever. (Hebrews 13:8.) I know the end of the story. (See the book of Revelation.)

And so in the not seeing, the not knowing what my steps will be post-summer.
In the struggle not to plan my own way
In the knowing that I have everything, but my plans are nothing,
I am grappling, trying, to put two and two together.

However, in the midst of the pit of alphabet soup and trying to sort these things out, I want to say:

"All I know is / all I have is, all I know is You /
You're good / so good
Your love never runs out / Your love never runs..."

The Lord graciously used Loud Harp to speak to my tired, weary, trying-to-unwrinkle-crumples-of-paper soul. And I hope it does the same for you.

1 comment:

Ashley said...

This is a great post, and I can so identify with this struggle -- wanting to know what's next but wanting to rest in knowing that God is enough. It's a one-day-at-a-time journey, and a beautiful thing when He gives you a glimpse of what He's doing!